I’ll be the first person to admit that I’m a parent who likes to get away with doing as little as possible, at virtually all times. Yep, I’m lazy, so when Halloween hits and I hear about all the kids whose parents have gone Pinterest-crazy with decorations, parties, costumes, or treats, I kind of want to throw up. I mean, I’m jealous of that level of commitment to being an amazing mom, but I still want to throw up.
There’s a way to come off as super cool, though, without all that crazy forethought and actual work. Here are some tips to help you achieve that amazing new level of awesome parenting on Halloween:
I mean, doesn’t a package of Pillsbury cookies, themed for whatever holiday is imminent, make every kid excited? I would love to hear what kid gives a sh*t about whether their pumpkin cookie was made from scratch or cut from a tube. If it’s being baked in your oven while they’re home, you are golden, my friend
There are honestly so many great holiday items you can get here, starting approximately three months before the actual holiday takes place. And disappearing the month of the holiday. On second thought, you may want to avoid Costco, since most of the Halloween stuff will be sold out by the time you read this.
It doesn’t matter what dollar store you live close to (and we all live near a dollar store, these days), go in and you will find yourself some decorations that are cheap and look just fine in the dark. Seriously, they will probably look like total crap in the store, but you truly don’t have to worry, because it will be dimly lit at best, and the kids will be focused on your candy, and the parents will be waiting on the sidewalk.
Okay, this is super lazy, but at least then you’ll be getting your kids involved in the pumpkin part! Because let’s be honest – kids are excited for the pumpkin for approximately 3 minutes into the actual carving. And if your kids are anything like mine, they’re totally grossed out at pulling a pumpkin’s guts out by hand. So why the hell are we doing this, anyway??
Black shirt, black pants, white gloves, white face. It honestly doesn’t get much easier than that, unless you want to pull out the “Serial Killer” costume, which is just your regular clothes, because serial killers look like the rest of us. Except these are your kids, so slightly inappropriate, I’m thinking.
What makes this a lazy parent hack, you ask? Easy: offer the other parent a travel mug filled with Bailey’s spiked hot chocolate, if they’ll take both kids out by themselves. Offer more booze when they return.
You may be rolling your eyes at this point, but listen: if you don’t love Halloween, or you know this is just the beginning of a very long lead up to Christmas, when you’ll be making a dozen crafts, cookies, and teachers’ gifts with your kids, now may be the very best time to get lazy and let all the other parents do the heavy lifting.
Just wait until all those Pillsbury Christmas cookies come out, in a few weeks. Then you’ll be laughing, with all that extra energy you have.